Learning to ~Trust~ Myself and Life
My last excerpt in, My Personal Journey, I spoke about discovering my inner child and the importance of her having trust and faith that I would take care of her. I have been working diligently on this, though I did encounter some road blocks and it took me a little while to find the next important path to travel.
As I mentioned in previous posts, when the decision was made to end my marriage, my initial feeling was that of relief – I was ready to surrender, claim my losses and move forward. After moving past the emotions equated with loss, I quickly moved onto dealing with unresolved emotions that were buried deep within and that was the fruition of ‘Meeting my Inner Child’. Then came about those road blocks I mentioned above. Through a brief relationship I had, I was able to shed a tremendous amount of light on areas that are of great importance in order to move forward toward a happy, fulfilling, and successful future.
“It is important to trust what your life is trying to communicate”
I sought to dig deeper within myself to uncover and expose what I felt had a huge grip on my spirit. I started reading the book ‘TRUST’ and my entire world felt like it began to unravel as I realized I had no trust in myself – in life – or in others. As I continued reading I began to pick up the pieces that were scattered about and started slowly reclaiming the loses that I had allowed my negative ego to devour.
A few months ago I had been introduced to my inner child, now I have been introduced to my negative ego and am learning how I have allowed this part of me to affect so many aspects of life. I have sought to control my circumstances and everyone involved in them, I wanted an outcome of guaranteed results, the ones that I had pictured in my mind. I deceived myself for many years carrying on this way because I didn’t trust myself or life to take care of my subsequent needs. I was the master of my own deception.
Somewhere along the line I learned to place my trust in things and people I should not have and ignored my own inner voice. In lying to myself, ignoring my inner voice and acting upon pure emotions, I had invited others to do and act in the same respect within the parameters of these relationships. I had no Boundaries thus making it very difficult to understand how to respect the boundaries of others.
“In life we always get what we expect”
“You will find it easier to trust if you understand what you put out will come back”
It is time to take accountability for the choices I had made and their consequences, otherwise I will “continue to chase peace and joy.” It is now time to learn to trust myself – trust in God- trust the process of life and others.
- First up is to get my negative ego in check, to quiet it down to a voice that is unrecognizable and replace it with positive affirmation.
- Then I must start making healthy decisions that will build reliance, creating self-trust.
- I must develop some healthy boundaries for myself, knowing where I am willing to be flexible within them and in return this will help me to respect the boundaries of others.
- I need to re-program my thoughts and behaviors so when a challenging moment arises I do not latch on to the feelings and actions I learned to use out of fear.
- I will learn to value my “self-affirmation” more than “external validation”
- and to know, no matter what – above all- I will be ok.
“What we hold in our hearts determines how we move through life”
As My Personal Journey continues on I become more in touch with whom I really am. Until we can see clearly and be completely honest with ourselves – self-trust is not attainable.